waking up

well now, more than 2 months later. i'm back. a few things have changed. school's done (praise the lord), i've increased a number on the year counter (yep, had a bday) and i was MIA from the blogging world for a while... (among many other things).

i think i'm probably blogging today because i woke up today. not literally. i mean, ya, literally. i've been getting up every morning since march 4th (that's the last day i blogged). but today was a different kind of wake up. one of those ones akin to an epiphany whereby it's not the literal opening of the eyes after a night of slumber, but the wakening of the heart (soul?) to a realization.

really, i have been waking up each day - but i've been terribly off course as of late in my rising. see, tonite i was reminded of the basics of life. really, the one basic. the only one that matters. the basic question of "who am i living for today?"... out of that one flows a myriad of questions: is the purpose of my life today for the glory of god or the worship of self? am i going to use today to further the gospel in my life and in the life of others? am i living out of the humble, confident, joy that the gospel graciously allows me to?

we talked about the gospel: what is it? what does it mean? such basic questions. such profound applications. if the fact that jesus came, lived a perfect life - the life we were supposed to live - and did so without sin, then not only died on the cross but rose again, enduring complete separation from the one source of goodness we have on earth in our Father God, and then defeated that sin for us by rising from the dead... if that fact impacts my mind, heart and hands on a daily level... everything changes.

so i've been waking up lately, but the gospel has not been the focus of my heart. in compete honesty... ... my heart has been focused on what Chelsa wants. what's my life lacking? why don't i have it? where am i going to get it? how can i manipulate this situation? this is starting to look a lot like my last posting where by the dog gave me an illustration of the selfishness of my life... guess i just didn't quite get it.

i've been off in left field pursuing the world, so distracted from the one thing worth living for - the one thing that will completely satisfy and answer the questions of my heart.

while today has been hard, full of tears and questions, i'm so thankful that something in me broke. that i woke up after months of thinking i'm fine. here it is again... i'm not!

i am increasingly discovering and realizing the depths of my sinfulness; but as i see this in myself i am also increasing in my realization of how great God's holiness is. and that's the gospel - filling in the gap is the grace that jesus' death provides. he is SO faithful. he is SO good. he never gets too busy to love us. he never stops being full of grace. he is always GOD.

my faith is something i cannot take credit for. it's a gift. so glad i woke up today.

i know how i'm going to choose to wake up tomorrow.

lessons from the pooch

the dog and i have been spending a lot of time together lately. it's mainly because i'm her sole caregiver in the absence of my parents, rather than because i have some increased affinity for the beast. i don't. she drives me crazy in so many ways. i would choose the cat over the dog any day, without hesitation! yes, the cat is a diva, but she's incredibly more self sufficient.

i decided it would be good for both the dog and i if we went for a few walks/runs in the absence of her regular walk with my mom. when i got home from school on monday, tia was there, waiting with great anticipation as usual. i think this is the part where most people get warm fuzzies towards man's best friend. for me, it begins the "no bark" game as the great pooch won't shut up! it doesn't even matter that we're not even really friends, she can't hold herself back!

so the dog begins the usual charade: whining, hollering, howling, moaning, barking, baying... u name it. the pathetic pooch is making a scene and a half. just because someone arrived home and her long list of needs were about to be met. it's almost as though i could hear her brain flitting back and forth between thoughts... through her barking, this is what i heard:

ME ME ME ME ME ME!!
pay attention to me!
look at me!
touch me!
pet me!
i wanna walk!
i want a treat!
when are we going for a walk?
pet me!
love me!
ME ME ME ME ME!!

i rolled my eyes and desperately wished i could just tell her to shut up and hold on for 2 seconds... a walk was just around the corner with all the needed amenities - bathroom break, treats, pets, etc. how could it get that through to her thick, doggy-brained skull?

and then it struck me.

i'm just like the dog.

how often am i pleading with god... please Lord, take this from me? when is this going to happen? when will this change? why is this, that or the other thing happening? can't you just DO something? i want to be here... i want to be there. ME ME ME ME ME!!!

YIKES - i'm just like the dog!!!

god knows what's around the corner for my life. and it's for my good. and his glory.

the parallel just about ends there. in no way, shape or form could this analogy cover the DEPTH and BREADTH of what god has for us... nor the scope of his goodness. i walked the dog out of a sense of duty. god loves us because he made us, he delights in us, we're his children and his plans for us are good. thank jesus for his redeeming work on the cross and the perspective his life gives ours; this whole joy in the circumstances thing is really kicking me in the butt this year!

the dog's whining again... i guess it's time for another walk. :D

lessons from the dancin' guy

if you haven't seen this video on how to create momentum in leadership... you should probably watch this!

go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8amMCVAJQ

you will not be disappointed!

sista got hitched!

i just got home from 9 glorious days in columbus, ohio. GOOD TIMES! the reason i was there was my little sister got married. i guess she's not so little anymore since she's married and therefore has to grow up. i'm sure she's loving it though. the wedding was one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. the sweetest part was that i left feeling encouraged in my faith and like i want to pursue christ with an intensity that i haven't yet before. there are so many things i could say, but i'll just leave it at that and post a few pics. i sure wish i'd taken more!!

i'll never look at bread the same again

today i embarked on a new adventure. well really, it's an old adventure in a new suit. it's that delightful thing those of us consumed with study, paying awfully high amounts of cash to people who don't know how to teach (unless they're education profs, and then they have it down to a science... supplemented with journalling)... and i do believe that tangent proves just that point i'm trying to get at... if i could stop getting distracted... the cat just walked by so i took a few minutes to pet her and now, 45 minutes later, i'm back to the sentence. what is it with students in refining the fine art of delaying the inevitable until the absolute last possible moment, whereby it becomes an emergency that all else in life must stop for?? so i baked some bread today. and i made a bunch of other healthy food for the week... i'm kind of on a whole foods kick, but i'm not going all out into the whole foods world. i've spent wayyy too many years being an all or nothing person, in too many areas of my life - some of which has turned positive results, most of which has served to further confuddle my brain, which is an conundrum unto itself. so i figured that if i went all or nothing on the thinking of being all or nothing that would just negate itself and i'd end up a square one with a whole bunch of wasted time and energy. speaking of time and energy, i baked some bread today. and mmmm, it was gooood. here's a picture of the delightful loaves themselves. the smell in the house was INCREDIBLE. so ya, i procrastinate. but the bread was good!

check out the golden loaves for yourself:

i love fantasy movies. in so many ways it's a chance to escape the realities of daily life and enter into someone else's world for a bit. i'm learning more and more about myself that, although i like to call myself a realist, sometimes i'm an escapist too and it's not always a good thing.

there's some sin in my life - okay, understatement - i'm messed up and struggle - and lately my struggle with sin, some particularly nasty sin at that, has got me looking to relocate. somehow the thought of being in a different space or circumstance has me imaging that things would be different.

in elementary school we used to do these exercises in math using the abbreviation LCD. we'd reduce numbers down to see just how low they could be taken without losing the relative ratio between the two. do you remember what that stands for? LCD is the Lowest Common Denominator.

no matter where my physical body goes, the reality is that I am the lowest common denominator in it all. stripped down to the most basic level of my being, my sin will not change with my circumstances. ya it might look different, but it's still ME and that i cannot escape. and i wasn't made to, because if relocation allowed me to escape, why would i need jesus? i cannot escape myself, because life is about learning to deal with sin and make the choice to say 'yes' to jesus in those times when i really just want to run away from it all.

fantasy movies are fun, they show you what the story teller wants you to see about the characters and the story. but those characters, on some layer, are just like the rest of us. the difference is we get to see a pointed snapshot into their lives.

i love rhyming, so this is what i will end with:

if the LCD is me then i need JC!!

hockey nation

i love hockey. i love canada. and i LOVE canadian hockey. this year the world junior championships were held in my very own city and i had the chance to watch over 12 games! wootwoot! it was sweet to see so many international players, teams and coaches competing in one place. it was also incredible the way the city of regina worked together to volunteer and to attend the games - even though team canada played all their games in saskatoon. it's hard to sum up what canadian hockey is all about. it's kind of more of a feeling, a lifestyle, something that permeates the canadian psychie. it's a given.

i found this commercial. it gave me goosebumps. it made me giggle. when it comes to hockey, i'm like a kid in a candy shop. i LOVE the game. if you're wondering what all the madness is about... check out the link below. it will explain a lot.

can't wait for vancouver!!

GO CANADA GO! :)