Monday, October 5, 2009

independent woman...

i realized last night how much i've been trying to do life on my own lately. the past few days have been tough as i battle through sins the lord is showing me - some new discoveries, some not so new - this being a request i asked of him! but now that i'm seeing all this stuff and realizing just how messed up i am - and i know this doesn't even scratch the surface let alone touch on what i'm capable of - god's love is even more incredible to me and christ's death is even greater. because it's not a matter of the lord being tolerant of my sin. he HATES it. but he sees me through christ and that's the hand that's holding me from his wrath.

yesterday at the compass, we heard about the incomprehensible humility of christ. at one point in the service, i felt the iron hand of my pride slap me in the face. i don't really think of myself as a prideful person, but i'm deceiving myself. and it's got to stop! i get into this habit of comparing myself to people around me instead of that of christ through the word. blair cut to the reality of the situation with this sentence we each wrote down in our notes: i murdered jesus.

awkward silence?

have you ever thought about it that way? i think i have, but yesterday i felt it and it was AWFUL. especially as i'm sitting there hearing about the humility of christ - all of a sudden this divine being who died a few millennium ago has my name fused to the brutal death he endured. no, not his death - his murder. but it's true. how dare we think of it any other way!

when i think about the humility of christ, his absolute surrender of ALL his rights for my sin - despite his impeccable track record of human living - it's convicting. in a good way. how can i do life on my own when it's impossible to be truly humble without christ? how much time do i waste thinking about things that are not pure, lovely, admirable? thinking about myself? trying to plan out my future and get life done on my own? how could i try to do these things knowing what christ has done for me?? knowing his humility in life AND in death.

i want to be a radical follower of christ! i know my heart is already aching for heaven where there will be no pain, no suffering, no pride. but humility is possible in this life, through surrender to jesus, by immersion in the word and letting that alone transform my life.

the words, the rest of my life, are overwhelming in and of themselves... but if i stop and reflect on it, i'd much rather do that and enjoy the victory, freedom and fullness of christ than do life selfishly on my own just because it's easier. ya, easier for sure, but empty!

is a humble christian a paradox in our society? not if we listen to scripture and strive to live out this humility we see in true life with jesus!

2 comments:

Hannah Smith said...

In order for me to comment on this, I have to reveal that I was stalking your blog, not just reading your current updates but reading things that you wrote before I knew you. With that said, I loved these thoughts. This is the desire of my heart...

"i want to be a radical follower of christ! i know my heart is already aching for heaven where there will be no pain, no suffering, no pride. but humility is possible in this life, through surrender to jesus, by immersion in the word and letting that alone transform my life.
the words, the rest of my life, are overwhelming in and of themselves... but if i stop and reflect on it, i'd much rather do that and enjoy the victory, freedom and fullness of christ than do life selfishly on my own just because it's easier. ya, easier for sure, but empty!"

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