Friday, December 23, 2011

2011: ouch

my mind is swirling with thoughts, feelings, regrets, fears, contemplations. 2011 is almost over. i'm so thankful, today, that it is. this has been a super difficult year but it's also been very rich with learning, knowing myself more and discovering more of what it means to follow jesus.

last sunday murray preached about the difference between joy and happiness. i always like to say that joy is a choice and happiness is a feeling. sometimes i get too caught up in the feelings of life.

joy is based on god, it's in our hearts, it's from god, it's deeper than emotion and the root of joy is jesus.

happiness is based on circumstances, it's in our minds, it comes from man and it's as shallow as emotion.

james 1 says it's the testing of our faith that produces steadfastness. if you lack wisdom, ask god and he will give generously to you. i've been praying this year that god would grow my faith and specifically that he would produce patience in me.

yesterday oswald chambers wrote that as we pray for patience, god allows suffering in our lives so that we will indeed have that chance to grow. this super difficult year has been a gift from god. a gift.

that changes everything. it's based on god, it's in my heart, it's from god and it's deeper than human emotion. what does that sound like?


i've become more patient, more trusting in my lord, more steadfast in my faith and i have been blessed this year with trials, suffering and heartbreak.

i choose joy. and thankfulness.

he loved me enough to accept me as i was in december 2010; but he also loved me enough not to leave me there. i'm a different girl in december 2011.

i pray it's for his glory.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

midnight moon

the moon's luminescent as i gaze to the stars
i think to myself that the sun must be bright
on the other side of the world,
to bring that great light.

is it that same bright moon
that will shine upon your face
crunching through the snow,
i know its only by his grace.

when you look up to the moon
do you know the father's love
the snow beneath your feet,
a symbol of the dove.

washed clean and ever pure
regardless of the act
the things done in our sin
that would break any human pact.

but we live by the father,
he dictates what's our kingdom.

he reigns in the stars,
if we'd only look above
we'd see the moon, his glory,
and know the father's love.

light always wins through darkness
it cuts right through to the core.
even if you try to hide
you'll love HIM more than before.

a random poem. thankful for the moon, and contemplation, on a midnight walk.

this is day 17.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

i don't even know what day this is...

tonight i'm thankful that i'm not good enough... which means i can stop trying.

tonight i'm thankful that jesus IS good enough.

there are only two categories of people: perfect and sinful.

trying to be in the perfect camp sucks. cause you never win. you never get there. you never achieve perfection.

admitting you're sinful. HARD. but good.

getting off the performance treadmill. HARDER.

i must become what i already am in christ.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

thankfulness... slow and steady

a quick, 3am thank you to jesus for the body of christ. praise him for unity, grace and the interconnectedness of the lives of his people! in our city, the christian climate can often be one of cutthroat competition (ridiculous) and carelessness towards other congregations... but we are all, together, the body of christ.

tonight on the love bus, i felt what i feel like is a small piece of the joy that awaits us in heaven where we are freed from sin and, finally, truly unified. no doctrinal disputes or conservative conundrums, no emerging this and beware of that... just free, unadulterated worship to our father. the love bus was an awesome experience tonight. people from 4 different representative bodies from the city of regina came to love on the people and worship the lord; in doing so, they loved on each other.

there are some amazing hearts for jesus in this city! i am blown away by the selflessness of those who give their late night hours on the love bus to serve others. we had some amazing conversations with people who came on the bus tonight, from suicides and abortions to kids taken away and broken marriages.

i'm often reminded that issues never come in a certain package. we've all got them. it doesn't matter if you shower once a week or once a day, you're human, flawed and in need of a savior.

i'm really thankful tonight for people who love jesus in this city and are obedient to play their part, the part god has given them to play at this particular moment in time. for his glory.

Monday, October 24, 2011

so the last week i'm going to call a day (i can do that, right? i mean, it's my blog, after all!)... maybe i should make this 30 entries thankful, rather than 30 days thankful!

anyways, i'm going to call the last week a day and say that i am incredibly thankful for my relationship with jesus. he is the rock that is higher than i. he is unchanging, never failing, full of love... sacrificial, caring, genuine, real... he gave his life for me. i honestly don't know where i'd be or how i'd be able to function without him.

it's a weird thing to ponder... why do i love jesus? it seems so sunday school... "because he died on the cross for me"... but it's literally that simple. he died on the cross for me because i'm separated by my sin from god. god is full of love, yes, but he's also just. and in his justice, he cannot tolerate sin. but jesus' life, death and resurrection can pay the penalty on my behalf.

it's so much more though... it's a daily life of relationship, it's a walk, a journey. unlike our fellow man, jesus never fails us. he never stops loving, he's always perfect, he never lets us down. he's an incredible friend, brother and god. he is worthy of all of our hearts and the depths of our souls. we can trust him with everything. the more i know him, the more i love him. the more i love him, the more i trust him.

through christ, we are disciplined by the father because he loves us. uggh, discipline is hard. but it produces a harvest! it grows our character... it creates in us avenues to be like christ that would never be there apart from him.

life is hard sometimes. life is hard. but i trust jesus. i love him.

this week i'm thankful for jesus... the author and perfector of our faith. faith... a gift. unmerited, yet freely given.

faith... grace... jesus.

incredible gifts.

thank you, father!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

day 13

somehow i put day 9 as day 12 below... not sure what happened there.

anyways... today was a tough day to be thankful. i just wasn't feelin it!

but, as always, the lord is good and showed up in unexpected ways.

i'm especially grateful for the way the lord creates community and the fellowship that takes places over a good meal. i had a great meal tonight and it was a most unexpected invitation, but one that i'm very grateful for! i love my community and the wonderful people that continually shower me with love and god's blessing.

i even ate a whole piece of steak! and it was delish!

thanks, r & c. :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

thankful three days

short and sweet synopsis...

friday - sweet, honest friends

saturday - hockey: play, watch, get involved

sunday - afternoon naps


Friday, October 14, 2011

day 12

grace has been pressed upon me.

grace is incredible. it's free, it's unearned, you can't earn it, actually. never can. it's unlimited. unwavering. unfathomable.

i struggle to believe everyday that i am truly saved by grace and that i do not have to earn my standing before god. how many days do i feign to remember that, oh yes, chelsa, you are, indeed, saved! you are redeemed! you are loved unconditionally! all this "stuff" you're caught up in... simply details in light of grace and jesus!

i'm really thankful not only that jesus gives me his grace in unlimited amounts, but that he calls his community to live within the bounds of this grace. you see, i'm super messed up. i don't know about you, but i am. well, i do know about you. you're just as messed as i am... perhaps you haven't realized it yet! haha. who am i kidding. you know. we all do. but do you know you need a savior?

it's so easy for me to see my sin, failings, the ways that i hurt people, fail to uphold the gospel calling, etc, etc, etc. but then i have to remember... that these things are WORKS, not grace, and that i am no longer held under the law but under grace.

praise JESUS!

jesus calls his community to live under grace and extend this grace to one another... not one time, or even 7 times, but 70 times 7... an amount we could never count! i'm thankful for family that extends me grace, for sisters and brothers in christ who love me like a sister and accept me as i am, for boyfriends (oh wait, make that boyfriend) that allow forgiveness and healing in a relationship... all as a reflection of the cross and the grace that we live under.

jesus... you blow my mind.

i guess in being thankful for grace today, i'm thankful for the cross, the resurrection, and the mystery of the lord that leaves many things unexplainable.

would they really be that great if simple me could figure them out?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

day 8

today i'm thankful for positive, supportive and inspirational role models in my life.

this might sound strange, but one of mine is a 64 year old professor who also happens to be the advising faculty for my internship. he is just a downright wonderful person. i've been having a pretty rough september/october, and today he met me at the high school just to chat and see how he might be able to help.

he's great for many reasons. he's extremely smart and very sharp. despite the head knowledge, he cares about people. and you know it. you're not just a number to him, you're a person with a life and a heart and he cares about how you're doing. he's dedicated his life to helping students, helping teachers and trying to make education better. he taught me to pay yourself first... something i will take with me for the rest of my life as a key personal finance principle! among many other things. :) he doesn't judge. someone else might have condemned me or judged me today. or just not cared.

our brief, 45 minute chat, was a huge encouragement to me today.

thanks, cyril. i'm thankful for you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

one week thankful

wow. tonight i'm super thankful. tonight it's easier to be thankful in terms of the feeling, rather than the choice. doesn't that always seem to be the case when circumstances are tougher... being thankful is tougher, too?

i'm extremely grateful that the lord love us like he does. and in that great and perfect love, love that is so great that it seeks out the best and the good in everything, there is discipline.

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

Hebrews 12:5-7


Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:9-11

the lord knows what he's doing. and he disciplines us because he loves us. we all know how annoying and obnoxious the spoiled kid is whose parents never discipline him. god has better for all of us and demonstrates his love for us in his discipline. he desires that we would be different, that we would be shaped by his hand and not by our own fleshly desires.

discipline sucks, honestly, in the moment. it's hard. it's painful. but it's good.

i'm thankful the lord loves me enough to bless me with his discipline.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Days 5 + 6

i posted this yesterday on my fb, but i'll repost it here. because, yes, sometimes i'm a legalist and i have to follow the rules (the calendar doesn't skip day 5 so how could i?!). ridiculous, i know.

happy thanksgiving! the greatest thing i'm thankful for is jesus. he puts thankfulness into a whole new context.

that was it... short and sweet.

i've been thinking a lot today about what i'm thankful for. i could prattle off a few different options, but i'll save those for another day and list. not that i'll run out of things to be thankful for by any means.

i went for a long run today (with a fabulous friend... who i'm VERY thankful for, btw) and i was struck by the beauty of the park as we ran. the leaves were hues of orange, red, gold and green. there were so many times when both of us exclaimed "that's a perfect picture right there!" as we saw a man on a park bench looking out at the water, his bike parked behind him. or the way the trees folded perfectly over the path in a leafy cascade of colours over our heads.

my eyes were overwhelmed with the beauty i saw around me. but as i took a deep breath and inhaled the aroma of fall, with the fresh, yet decaying scent of life and death, mixing into a surprisingly delicious assault on the senses, i became less aware of what i could see and more aware of how i felt.

there is something incredible about fresh breath in your nostrils, the invigorating taste of outside air in your lungs. as i breathed, a sense of calm, freedom and excitement coursed through my veins. it made me feel free from the burdens on my heart, in my mind and the incessant ticking of the clock in my brain.

i'm so thankful for the outdoors, for fresh, clean air and the beauty that surrounds us. i'm thankful, too, that the lord doesn't limit his interaction with us to the way we often see it: stuffy pews in a church, solitary prayer, institutions. no, he's way bigger than that. he's in the air we breathe and the beauty around us. he made it, he loves it; just like he loves us.

simple exercise, a run in the park on a path, in nature, and beauty and the brilliance of our maker. he met me there and i laid my burdens at his feet as we ran together.

today i got to experience him.

that's what i'm thankful for.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

thankful day 4...

i have the most amazing parents. they are extremely generous, loving and thoughtful towards me.

the amazing thing about parents, is it doesn't matter how you treat them, what you've done or where you've been (or go), they are faithful and loving. i realize this isn't the case for everyone, which only makes me increasingly thankful that the ones that i have are, and are such a representation of the unconditional love that we are given by the Father.

whether things in my life are going smoothly or terribly, mom and dad are faithful to stick by me and be increasingly supportive.

today i'm so grateful for my parents. they are gems and i love them. one day i hope to be the kind of parent to my kids that they've been to me!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

thankful day 3

today i'm thankful for the rain.

it was just what my heart needed.

i'll leave it at that.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

thankful day 2

today's thankful piece is easy. i'm at school (the high school, that is) all day... as i have been the past month... everyday. i'm learning what it means to be a teacher and discovering that the disjointed experience of university is nothing like high school. somehow i forgot that. maybe it was the 8 years between now and then or maybe it's just my selective memory.

but today i was really hit with what a community exists within the walls of this building. there are so many things going on... ideas, knowledge, relationship, friendships and family. we celebrated the birthday of our elder, who works with the teen moms at the shirley schneider centre, and it was awesome to see all these babies/infants and their mothers celebrate 70 years for norma jean. what a neat picture of a family!

i also had a wonderful period with my grade 9s. we did an activity for the hour that the students really go into. what a satisfying feeling!

so today, i am thankful for schools and teachers and students and everything that happens within the walls of this building. there are a lot of wonderful people that really care about others. and that is what i want to spend my life doing!

30 days thankful

i'm going to make it my goal over the next 30 days to select one thing that i'm thankful for each day and post it here.

because in general, i have not had an overly thankful heart, and especially as of late in my life. and i have much to be grateful for!

tonight i am extremely thankful for community. i have enjoyed living in sweet, rich and honest community in the two years since i've moved home from europe. in times of need especially, i have seen this community rise up and love, pray and accept me and those around me. all for jesus and centred on the cross.

in our competitive and self-centred world, real community is refreshing.

it's a huge blessing to me and i'm extremely thankful for it!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Psalm 89:8

you are entirely faithful...

even when i am not. even when i fail, when i'm idolatrous, when i give up on you. you are still faithful. where i run out, you continue. where i cannot keep going, you pick me up and carry me. when i stop believing, you remain unchanged. i'm desperate to be faithful, father. i want to be. i'm so weak and weary. o easily beat down and discouraged. help me, jesus. i can't but you can. what does it mean, what does it look like, to find joy in you? to truly trust you and live in that trust which leads to freedom and joy...

all day long rejoicing in your reputation
exulting in your righteousness
it pleases you to make me strong
protection comes from the holy one, our lord.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Easter Musings

after over a 2 month hiatus, i would like to return with something i wrote on easter friday, good friday, that is... also known as the day we killed god. thankfully, god defeat death on easter sunday and therefore we also have life!
Today is a reminder of what you did for us, Jesus. We remember how you endured pain, humiliation, scorn and abuse, all for us - for grace - and to honor your father and complete his will. This day in history changed my life forever. God, you called me to yourself and the only reason I could come was because of the irresistible grace of Christ and his cross. I think back on that day and my waking mind cannot conjure up an appropriate measure of the atrocities of that day. I see you there, upon the cross, bloodied and bruised, mangled flesh and tanged hair, and somehow you see me. You look down and connect your yes to mine. Through your pain your voice is strong. You say, "I love you, I'm doing this for you." My mind cannot comprehend the weight of these words and I fall to my knees at your cross. In my brokenness I feel freedom. In humility, I will live in this position. I will live in joy. Knees on the ground, heart inclined to you, knowledge that you are the only one that can do it - that you can bear my sin and make me right with God. Jesus, you paid everything, and yet I owe you nothing.

This, indeed, is grace.

And this is love.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

the beat goes on

i thought i'd make a posting of the comments jadon left and my response to them... which i think he's going to add to later... but i think which shed some more light on the situation of which i was just writing about... the male/female dynamic. these are good discussions to have, if not somewhat awkward and uncomfortable. but that's life! better to have those convos that make us think, make us pursue the lord on things we might not have before, and humble us in knowing we don't have it all figured out. and i appreciate jadon for being a brother and challenging me on what i'm saying as well! :)

i'd also like to put this DISCLAIMER out there for all my single guy friends - this is blog was written to NO ONE in particular! so boys, please don't wonder if i'm secretly hinting at you and hoping you'll somehow stumble upon my blog and read this, i'm just doing what us in the blog-o-sphere do -> share opinion. so you can take what i'm saying, or send it right back. but please know though, that there is NOTHING personal in any of this!!

Below is a section written by JADON:

Hmm, I see where you are coming from, and there is for sure some validity to this. And this is probably going to come out completely wrong, but I think I have some thoughts to share!
This may be a bit hard for me to verbalize through typing here, instead of talking in person, but, I think this is taken a bit too much to the extreme here. There is some counter stuff that needs to be said.
I think the word, and I have said this about so many topics, is balance. There has to be a balance and I think where you are coming from is a reaction to the other side of the pendulum, and going completely the opposite way does not make things any better.
I think we have hyped up Christian relationships a bit too much, and put way too much pressure on both the guy and the gal.
I have never had a girlfriend and am really hesitant to even ask a Christian woman out for coffee, because I am worried that I will lead her on. I don't think this is right! Back in the day it was okay for men to ask different girls to go for coffee or a shake, just to get to know them and figure out if they were compatible at all, no pressure. Now we can't do that in the Christian culture without it being blown out of proportion and the girl either thinking she is being led on or else running away because she thinks that the guy wants to marry her and she isn't interested!
I know that I can start to like a woman through seeing her in group get together's and stuff, but one can only go so deep in that. Sometimes that won't work at all, for instance they might run in different circles and not interact at all unless they intentionally go for coffee to chat a bit and get to know each other. Even if they do run in the same circles, one can often only get to know someone so deep in those big groups, sometimes not even getting to go past a wave across the room for weeks at a time, unless you are somewhat intentional!
I know that men need to be men, but I don't think it is fair that this pressure is put on a man that he can only be intentional with a woman if he is interested in courting her! That puts too much pressure on the relationship. I think it is important for a man to have the freedom to be intentional about getting to know a woman to determine if they are suitable for each other. Or can't a man "just be friends" with a woman EVER? Is that not allowed?
I have enough trouble initiating relationships with women due to fear that I will scare them away, let alone having to worry that initiating friendship means that I need to be courting her for marriage! That is a ton of pressure!
And I do not think that the initiating should be completely in the guys court. I think that the guy needs to initiate the relationship going from just friends to a courtship, but the woman does need to take some initiative here. I have seen women take this "non-initiative" to the extreme with me in the past. I had a girl that liked me, but I had no idea whatsoever that she was interested in me because she barely said a word to me, essentially she ignored me. I thought that she had no use for me, and would have never thought about pursuing her even as friends. We ended up at a table together and the conversation went to this topic and we debated about who is supposed to take initiative, and that is when I figured out that she didn't hate me, but in fact was just trying not to initiate anything, because she had been told that the guy was to take all of the initiative! It is more than okay for a girl to initiate friendship, how else is a guy supposed to know that you are interested in being in the same room with him, let alone potentially courting or marriage!
Lots more I could say, but I really do think that it is all about balance! Maybe we should chat about this over skype sometime... oh shoot, is that taking too much initiative and leading you on? :-)
Relationships are difficult!

08 February, 2011 07:49

and ME (chelsa):

hey jadon... i agree that it's about balance. and there's a ton of pressure from our culture, from that strange thing called christian sub-culture, from families, notions of what biblical dating looks like, etc. it's a jumbled up mess.

i think the purpose of my "rant", shall we call it that, was just to make both guys and girls think. i'm not saying guys and girls can't be friends, definitely not. but there is a certain danger to them spending a lot of time alone. i don't think it's healthy or profitable. why is it necessary?

we often talk about girls being sensitive to guys... not causing them to stumble with how you dress, carry yourself, flirt, etc. because they're such visual creatures. so, being a sister, i wouldn't want to do those things and cause someone to stumble in their faith.

but do guys know that their actions often cause girls to stumble? is it "not legit" because it seems extreme? is it infringing on the rights of people to just be friends? paul talks about us giving up our rights to not cause others to stumble. girls' hearts are SO easily mislead, just like guys are easily influenced by the visual. i'm not saying there isn't anything either or guys or girls can do on their own to help safeguard their hearts against that, but i know my actions can cause someone to stumble, why, out of christianly love, wouldn't i do my best NOT to do that very action?

let me pose you this questions. if you are taking a girl to coffee to see if you are compatible, why not call it a date? why not tell her you want to take her out and get to know her (are your intentions not to see if something could be there?). what if you weren't interested? is that okay? YES. of course. but this is the part we don't like - someone has to SAY that to the other person. OUCH. isn't that mean? doesn't that hurt their feelings? well, maybe. but isn't it better to speak the truth in love and grace than to allow the other person to stumble because it makes you uncomfortable to have to say something? if you and the girl are meant to be friends, your friendship will survive the discomfort of establishing that there's nothing going on between you. if you hate having to have that conversation, but it's going to help out a sister, why are you holding back? i don't think the answer is never spending time with the opposite sex, but rather communicating about what's going on. if you just want to be friends, why not just say that? "hey, i'd love to get caught up, can we go for coffee? and just so you know, i'm pursuing your friendship." maybe that sound weird, but it would save a lot of girls' hearts.

when my bro in law decided he wanted to see how compatible he and my sis might be, they had hung out in groups for a while, he had begun texting her a bit, but soon after he called and asked her to hang out. and he said, just so you know, it's a date. so she knew going in what his intentions were. after their first date, which obviously went well, he asked her out again and again and she said yes again and again. fair enough. now they're married.

i think where two people have been friends for awhile, and they go for coffee every once in a while to get caught up, that might be different. but it's situational and depends on the people, kind of like you said before - balance.

what i'm talking about is communicating intentions. being careful with a girl's heart as you spend time with her. taking the risk of putting it out there if your intentions are to go on a date with her, and then communicating to her that you're interested, or not, and then being friends or going your separate ways after that.

a girl will hold on for months, years, if the guy keeps giving her even the slightest indication that he's interested, even if his intentions are never to go beyond. even though that sounds completely ridiculous. it is ridiculous. it's flawed and sinful, and girls need to guard against letting themselves go there. but what about guys? if they knew that's what their actions said to girls might they become more aware of how they affect girls and therefore guard their hearts by being more forthright with them? guys' typically hate the DTR. girls need it. we're too fallible and apt to go in the direction of misconstruing what guys intentions really are.

and i do believe girls need to respond to initiative and give the guy a response. it shouldn't be one-way. no guy is going to keep pursuing a girl if she never gives him any indication that she's reciprocating his feeling.

so if my entry sounded a little extreme, it's cause it's that big of a deal and it's that important. and there's not much talk about it. so if there's some discussion stirring up, i'm glad. and i'd love to skype sometime, jadon. i'm pretty sure i know where we stand in our friendship. ;) we can definitely talk about this more.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

to the boys, the brothers, the males and the men

...those otherwise known as the XY beings...

a note from a sister... which will hopefully be a little insight into the minds of those strange beings we call females. maybe a little more insight into why "men are from mars and women are from venus" and all the stuff in between.

on initiating.

warning: when you initiate with a girl, when you give her attention, when you text her frequently and often, invite her to hang out, spend time with her one on one, take her along to family outings, and things of this such nature, what you're telling her is


it doesn't matter if you're not. she doesn't know that. see, females are flawed. we want attention, affection, to be desired. we want a guy to fulfill us... even when we know it's idolatry, it's a battle to fight against that. and lots of us don't even try. and some do. but even then, the EVE in each one of us is calling out for love.

are you helping her, protecting her heart, thinking of her when you're treating her in the aforementioned way?

"what's that? you didn't know?? you had no idea that's how girls are??"

well, i don't blame you. in the same way that girls, as a result of the fall, have the desire to manipulate, control and rule over man and are called to fight that desire to do so. (if you're wondering where i get this... see genesis, ephesians, timothy...and examine the covenant relationship between god and man, christ and man, christ and the church... it's enlightening).

so you are called to do what women are to not: to initiate. women are called NOT to pursue a man, but to wait. to be submissive to the lord and wait on him. if only someone had of told EVE that in the garden. maybe she wouldn't have initiated eating the apple.

or maybe, adam would have stood up to her and taken responsibility for what god had given him: EVE. HEADSHIP. INITIATIVE. maybe, when god called adam to account for eve's behaviour in the garden, adam wouldn't have shrunk back from his responsibility and blamed it on eve. he didn't take the risk.

see brothers, a girl is not like a t-shirt you can try on for a while and see if you like the fit, the colour, the texture of the fabric. that's the easy way. that's the sinful way. a girl is the "weaker sex", which is translated as porcelain. if you try her on, test her out, without taking the risk of making her yours (purchasing the t-shirt, for sake of analogy... this is a fallible analogy, please let me point out). in not taking that risk, you're damaging her heart. you're leading her astray and honestly, causing her to stumble.

if you like a girl, if you want to pursue her, then do it. but if you're not sure if you're interested, not sure if you really want to be dating someone, not sure, not sure, not sure... STAY AWAY from anything that seems like initiating. please, think about your sisters out there! it's heartbreaking to hear single girl after single girl tell me stories of guys who led them on for months, years... goodness knows how long.

and ladies... if a guy likes you, he'll ask you out. and if you're wondering, wondering, wondering... he's not the kind of guy you want to be with, so confess to a friend, pray about it... and leave him behind. cause if he likes you, he'll ask you out. and then you'll know, at least initially, that he's the kind of guy worth letting pursue you.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

running, running, running

i've been running a lot lately. literally, figuratively. for a few different reasons. literally i'm training for the longest run i have yet to face - the marathon. but figuratively, i've been running. running to ambition. to goals. to many good things. but one thing i'm not sure if i've been doing or not is running to the right thing. it's been a few years of a mindset that's beginning to change.

let me make this a little clearer through some examples:

-when i returned home from europe, i signed up for a 2 year cel phone contract. now, i know you're wondering why on earth that even matters. well, it matters in the details. most contracts are naturally 3 years long. well, i had two years of school to go, so i got a contract for only two years. that way, 2 years later, i could move back to... or move to... for the first time to... or... or...

-november 2010 i filled out an application form to do my internship semester in england. 16 weeks in truro, cornwall, on the seashore sounded like just the kind of adventure up my alley in the blue seas and green pastures overseas...

-last week, during an education career fair on campus, a by-passed every single local school district booth and went straight to the international booths. without even blinking. i signed up for information from two different agencies about teaching overseas...

there are many other examples. the main thread running through each is this: PEACE OUT ASAP. grass is greener elsewhere, life is more exciting in a foreign country. escape regina.

now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing to escape in particular here in regina. i'm not lonely and bored. i'm not alone. i don't have a messy break-up to flee. in fact, it's just the opposite.

-i have amazing community. i love my church. i lead a group of amazing, humble, FUN, women who love jesus.
-i'm learning a ton at school, enjoying my university program and actually looking forward to some sort of tangible, real career outside of university (a huge step for me!)
-i get to live with my lovely, loving and generous parents who spoil me with their kindness and are wonderful friends
-i have a support system of people here, so many people, that i love SO much. they are incredible. i learn from them everyday.
-i live in a city steeped in need. there is SO much to do here to bring love and light to people. to share the gospel.
-my sister and bro-in-law, two of the most wonderful people i know, who love jesus in an incredible way, are en route to moving here
-i have a way cute SOUL that i love to zip around town in
-my cat, at 8 years old, is still ticking
-i live in a city that's a fishbowl. the longer i'm here, the more i realize that everyone i know, knows someone i know. potentially a curse, but it's a huge blessing.
-there are two major ministries that have entered my life i just the past week alone, that call my name with volume and clarity.
-i have dreams for this city, to see it unified in christ.
-i want to labour here, to connect people, to see revival and change in the name of jesus.

and yet i run. i run in the form of seeing myself elsewhere. of daydreaming of life far away. of desiring to be on the other side of the world having adventures and sharing the gospel with people there. but the greatest mission field i could be called to is, as my blog line says, "right out my front door". i think i'm finally getting there - or here - or whatever you might say. not just resigning myself to the idea, but moving beyond that. moving to accepting, moving to enjoying, moving to finding peace with, the fact that i'm called to regina. i'm called to be here. my life is here, my calling is here. and for now, i'm not going to keep running away, but i'm going to run to the places in the city that i've been called to be in. and rest in the fact that dreaming is good, but obedience... obedience is greater. obedience to the one who KNOWS all, SEES all, and cares infinitely about my soul and the souls of us here on earth. now that's a good thing.

so i'm still running. literally, i've got a few hundred miles to go. and figuratively... i know there'll be moments. but i'm starting to get it. it's not about my goals and dreams and short-sighted vision for the future. it's about christ. so i'm training, i'm working, and i'm running to christ instead.

Friday, January 28, 2011

it's gonna be painful

last night at league (ladies bible study at the compass, fyi... it's a long story. ask me sometime. well, it's not that long, but it's long'ish'... i digress). back to league... we were talking about discipline. and punishment. how they're different, how they're the same... what it looks like to be disciplined by god. some big ideas came forth that i wanted to highlight.

-we misunderstand discipline, often because we have been disciplined and punished by falliable people in our lives
-discipine is GOOD
-the definition of discipline starts with the word training
-we are not being punished by god for our sin when we are being disciplined; jesus took the punishment for our sin already
-rather, we are being sanctified; we are being made more and more like christ and less and less like our sinful flesh-selves
-our discipline from the father is glorifying to jesus. we become more like him. this is a good thing.
-discipline is NOT easy
-god has enough grace and mercy, enough unconditional love, to allow us to be disciplined for our good
-true happiness is not in ease, comfort, etc; it's in knowing christ deeper and deeper... and deeper still
-we will never escape discipline until we die, because we will never be restored to our pre-sin state until this earthly life is over
-we can step into discipline willingly, in fact, we can pursue it through confession of sin to god and a sister/brother, repentance, accountability... who did you confess sin to this week?

despite the heaviness of the topic and the intensity of the conversation, it was a wonderful night of sharing, discussion, weeping, praying, and locking arms with sisters. if you're not in community, why aren't you? you're missing out. the body of christ was made as the bible tells us for a reason. it's beautiful in it's brokenness and christ is faithful to redeem it, despite our sinful hearts.

if you know christ, you can know you are being disciplined. that's a good thing.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

interesting fable from the education world

The Animal School

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a “new world”. So they organized a school.
They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming and flying. To make it easier to administer the curriculum, all the animals took all the subjects.
The duck was excellent in swimming, in fact better than his instructor, but he made only passing grades in flying and was very poor in running. Since he was slow in running, he had to stay after school and also drop swimming in order to practice running. This was kept up until his webbed feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming, so nobody worried about that except the duck.
The rabbit started at the top of the class in running, but had a nervous breakdown because of so much make-up work in swimming.
The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustration in the flying class where his teacher made him start from the ground up instead of from the treetop down. He also developed a “charlie horse” from overexertion and then got a C in climbing and a D in running.
The eagle was a problem child and was disciplined severely. In the climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the tree, but insisted on using his own way to get there.
At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceedingly well, and also run, climb and fly a little, had the highest average and was valedictorian.
The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because the administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum. They apprenticed their children to a badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to start a successful private school.
Does this fable have a moral?

George H. Reavis

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

lec"raeing" out the gospel

get it? the play on words? oh, that's right. probably only i do. annnyways...

okay. these. lyrics. are. so. unreal.
and they're even better when you hear them to music.
if you wanna know just how good they sound, just press play on the little box below.
100% guarantee you will not be disappointed.
maybe just convicted.
yet encouraged.
by the gospel.
not the guy.

excerpt of my fav lines:

I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name?
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeet
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems like You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this

More lyrics:
All about Lecrae:

Monday, January 10, 2011

a video euro update

i know i promised an update on the europe trip from december. well, rather than listening to be write about it incessantly (we all know how long winded i can be), here is a video, made by my partner in crime, Krista Prins, which will give you a great glimpse into the trip overall!

like she said... grab a coffee. it's not a 60 second blurb. ;)

an interesting read

if you have a few minutes, read this blog. []

disclaimer: your heart rate quite likely will be elevated as you read the facts laid out - not to mention peoples' comments at the bottom. the author does a good job of presenting said facts, combined with some of his opinion. but it's really quite sad the issues the church is often caught up in. all this time, wasting time, on legalistic issues.