running, running, running

i've been running a lot lately. literally, figuratively. for a few different reasons. literally i'm training for the longest run i have yet to face - the marathon. but figuratively, i've been running. running to ambition. to goals. to many good things. but one thing i'm not sure if i've been doing or not is running to the right thing. it's been a few years of a mindset that's beginning to change.

let me make this a little clearer through some examples:

-when i returned home from europe, i signed up for a 2 year cel phone contract. now, i know you're wondering why on earth that even matters. well, it matters in the details. most contracts are naturally 3 years long. well, i had two years of school to go, so i got a contract for only two years. that way, 2 years later, i could move back to... or move to... for the first time to... or... or...

-november 2010 i filled out an application form to do my internship semester in england. 16 weeks in truro, cornwall, on the seashore sounded like just the kind of adventure up my alley in the blue seas and green pastures overseas...

-last week, during an education career fair on campus, a by-passed every single local school district booth and went straight to the international booths. without even blinking. i signed up for information from two different agencies about teaching overseas...

there are many other examples. the main thread running through each is this: PEACE OUT ASAP. grass is greener elsewhere, life is more exciting in a foreign country. escape regina.

now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing to escape in particular here in regina. i'm not lonely and bored. i'm not alone. i don't have a messy break-up to flee. in fact, it's just the opposite.

-i have amazing community. i love my church. i lead a group of amazing, humble, FUN, women who love jesus.
-i'm learning a ton at school, enjoying my university program and actually looking forward to some sort of tangible, real career outside of university (a huge step for me!)
-i get to live with my lovely, loving and generous parents who spoil me with their kindness and are wonderful friends
-i have a support system of people here, so many people, that i love SO much. they are incredible. i learn from them everyday.
-i live in a city steeped in need. there is SO much to do here to bring love and light to people. to share the gospel.
-my sister and bro-in-law, two of the most wonderful people i know, who love jesus in an incredible way, are en route to moving here
-i have a way cute SOUL that i love to zip around town in
-my cat, at 8 years old, is still ticking
-i live in a city that's a fishbowl. the longer i'm here, the more i realize that everyone i know, knows someone i know. potentially a curse, but it's a huge blessing.
-there are two major ministries that have entered my life i just the past week alone, that call my name with volume and clarity.
-i have dreams for this city, to see it unified in christ.
-i want to labour here, to connect people, to see revival and change in the name of jesus.

and yet i run. i run in the form of seeing myself elsewhere. of daydreaming of life far away. of desiring to be on the other side of the world having adventures and sharing the gospel with people there. but the greatest mission field i could be called to is, as my blog line says, "right out my front door". i think i'm finally getting there - or here - or whatever you might say. not just resigning myself to the idea, but moving beyond that. moving to accepting, moving to enjoying, moving to finding peace with, the fact that i'm called to regina. i'm called to be here. my life is here, my calling is here. and for now, i'm not going to keep running away, but i'm going to run to the places in the city that i've been called to be in. and rest in the fact that dreaming is good, but obedience... obedience is greater. obedience to the one who KNOWS all, SEES all, and cares infinitely about my soul and the souls of us here on earth. now that's a good thing.

so i'm still running. literally, i've got a few hundred miles to go. and figuratively... i know there'll be moments. but i'm starting to get it. it's not about my goals and dreams and short-sighted vision for the future. it's about christ. so i'm training, i'm working, and i'm running to christ instead.